What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
accomplished twins. life is a go
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
