he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
