he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
