She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
