We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
