just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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