STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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