you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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