Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
