I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
