OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
