Are we in a gay sports bar?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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