your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he puts the penis in happiness.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
