i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
being pregnant is like rehab
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
