I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
