you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
