so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
