the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
