i wish my penis had a tongue
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
