Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
