i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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