Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
