East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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