i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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