I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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