Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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