so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
