My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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