Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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