My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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