If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We named our party play list daddy issues
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
