I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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