I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
