Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can I color on your dick again?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
