My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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