i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
