she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
