my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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