Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
