Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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