I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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