I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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