I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
