Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
