Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
