Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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