You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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