can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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