so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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