we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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