I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
