never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
